I Quit the Corporate World; So Am I Just a Stay at Home Mom?

So I Quit, Am I JUST a SAHM?

This post is not about the kids, crafts etc., and more about me and maybe even you.  I have been in the workforce for over 15 years. I worked my way up from Programmer to a Project Manager.  On 9/12/2014 I quit my corporate job as a Project Manager to focus on being a better mom and wife.  So according to society I'm officially a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom).   I HATE the title, but LOVE the job.

I Hate the Titles "SAHM", "Domestic Engineer" and "Opt-Out Mother"

I have a problem with my new titles..."stay-at-home-mom" (SAHM). The title Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) makes me scoff; it implies the mom sits around eating bon-bons, waiting; like they (we) "stay" - which is so not the case. I've lost 6 pounds in 8 weeks from "stay"ing!  I heard stats on the radio this morning that the average SAHM has 49 jobs and completes half of them before 9am.

I've heard other Mom's (my mom included,  and even a lady on Property Brother's) call themselves "domestic engineers". Sorry, even that makes me scoff. Domestic - am I a house cat who lays around sleeping and playing with yarn? Hell to the No! Engineer - that one I get, Mom's create, do, and build on so many levels.

I read a Time magazine article, that relayed Pew Research and was completely offensive.  According to the article, I'm a type of Mom; the article called 'my type of mom' an "Ubermom" who became an "Opt-out Mother"  - seriously!  This type of Mom is highly educated and made over $75k a year and chose to "opt-out" of the workforce, so the title "Opt-out Mother".  {anger is brewing.}

Women's 'Liberation' Has Pinned Women Against Women

What I've felt for many, many years is  Women's Lib movement screwed us women (except for the voting and 'equal wage'- I'm good with those - although the wage still isn't equal, but that's a different rant ) and added more labels to us.  As a result of women's liberation,  a belief was imposed that women need and have to have a career in order to have worth.  That to be a contributor you have to make a wage. This belief was imposed by other women and we continue to feel guilty about picking a side.  Specific examples:

  • How many SAHM/Domestic Engineer (whatever) have been asked what do you do for a living, only to be snubbed or receive the answer 'oh, well they say that's the hardest job.'

  • Or from the working Mom's side:

    • the guilt when you show up to a party with a store bought cake/dish because you just didn't have the time/energy to make it from scratch.

    • or the guilt when you are late or missed a school event because of a meeting and you hear from your child that so-n-so's Mom was there and your first thought is well they don't work.

  • Even ecards are pinning Mom against Mom!
I believe that the women's liberation created a message that what I want is not as important as what I can earn, it is my job to be everything, that my worth is monetary.  Like if you don't have a corporate position you aren't worth it.  BULLSHIT - RIGHT!? (sorry for the language , but I'm a bit fired up:) ).  

I had a nice 6 figure wage that did provide for my family, a wage that provided self-worth, a title that I strived to obtain, and a wage that I grew dependent on, more so than I was dependent on my family.  My wage, drove me to travel, leave my kids to care givers, leave my husband to fend for himself, stressed me so much that I had weekly migraines, and occasional panic attacks.

I want to provide for my family, I want to be a good mom, I want to be a good wife, I want to create, I want support my family, I want to be loved, I want to be taken care of, I want so many things that a J.O.B. could simply not provide. The only thing a job can provide is a wage to support a family and often to the sacrifice of everything else that I wanted for my family.  I struggled for years with what will my worth be if I'm just a Mom.

So What's My Worth and Title Now?

While I do miss the extra 5k a month, I am more than willing to sacrifice the income and extravagant lifestyle for my new life.

For once in 8 years I don't feel "overstressed, overbooked"  {from the movie Stepford Wives}.  For once in 12 or 13 years, I'm actually content, headache free, stress free, and no longer drink my stress away. For once in 8 years I feel like I'm actually a good mom, and for once in 14 years I feel like I'm actually a good, supportive wife and house wife.

Do I feel guilty anymore?  I admit, for the first week, I did feel guilty because I felt like I put all the burden of the income onto Ben.  But then, Ben said "I've got this.  I just want you to be happy."  And with that simple, loving statement, the burden and weight of a life changing decision was lifted.

I REFUSE to accept the title Stay at Home Mom (SAHM), Domestic Engineer and sure as hell not taking Opt-out Mother.  These titles are demeaning to all Moms.  Regardless of whether you are a SAHM, WAHM (work from home mom) or a career woman with children - you are a Mom!  That's the title {period}.  The location is irrelevant, you and I are, and have been since the day our kids were born, a Mom!

I can say, my wage is not my worth. My family needs me now more than ever since Ben's deployment, and I can provide them more now than any title with a wage could possibly provide.  My title: I am, and I always will be, a Mom.

Check out my ebook "How to Become a Stay-at-Home Mom: Planning and Preparation Guide".

What are your thoughts? What title did you choose? Am I alone in this opinion?

Stephanie Weaver

Grinning Like An Idiot: Create your Happiness. I'm a stay-at-home mom who doesn't 'stay' very well. I like to provide everyone with resources and ideas for crafts, painting and DIY!