This past weekend I learned how much we are not in control. One day, when this is over, I will share with you my worries, issues and prayers - but for now I can't, I just can't....I can't even write this without crying. I pray to God that his plan has a happy ending for our family.
I started the following post in 2012 and didn't complete it until tonight. Because tonight it rang more true than ever. Tonight it hurt me knowing what is to come, and this is one of my many worries.
This past summer has been particularly travel heavy with both Ben and I [summer of 2012]. He has been to Russia twice this summer for 3 weeks each trip, and then sometimes when he came back I'd have to leave for a client onsite. In two instances this summer we had to leave our kids in the care of the grandparents because of our travel overlapped. This was really stressful for Ben and I, it wasn't something we wanted to do but had to do. We are forever grateful that our parents are able to step in for us, but it still doesn't make it easier on us.
But until this last week [at the time when I wrote this] , I didn't realize how tough it was on our kids; Em 3 and LilMan 5. They seemed to take it in stride as I explained to them that I had to travel to Ohio and they are going to get to stay with Grandma and Grandpa this afternoon until dad gets home. It struck me when I reflected on an exchange between Em and I:
"But Mom, we won't have any people!"
"Em, Grandma and Grandpa were my people when I was growing up. They'll be your people until Dad gets home in a couple of hours."
Apparently Ben and I are her biggest fans, we are her people, we are her entourage :)
What I learned today: In marriage, we are to put our partners first (and they do the same for us), but with kids we, the parents, must always put the kids first - always! ALWAYS! We are their people. We are their biggest fans, their biggest advocates, their biggest - everything. If we don't put them first we are failures, we are to blame...these are big shoes to fill! This is why Ben and I look to God to help us - we need Our Father, "Who Art In Heaven" to provide use guidance. And I'll be upfront, I don't know what the F' I'm doing, I pray everyday I give guidance to our children to be better than me and we don't screw them up.