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Hey! I'm Stephanie of Grinning Like An Idiot. Grinning Like An Idiot is me whenever I do something that makes me happy, whether it is sewing, painting, vacationing, a funny interaction, just life in general. Read More

The Screaming Inside

I live a lot in my head, do you know what I mean?

Surely, I can’t be the only one…

For the past week I’ve been living Ben’s life, where he drives the kids to and from school every day.   I look around at all of the cars driving by and wonder ‘what is that person going through?’.

Next time you sit at a left turn, look at the people who turn past you: not one of them smiles…what’s that about?  Today I realized, I’m not smiling either…hmmmm. So I can tell you what I was frowning about:

Here was today’s inner dialog:

“What bug crawled up everyone’s butt today!  I swear, no one had anything nice to say; is anyone happy with their job?’

The kids are in the back seat talking away about lightening –

‘ why are they so loud!  Did God not give them a volume control?  Surely everyone must want me to go nuts – especially my kids.  And when I’m old an grey, why wouldn’t they want me to go nuts? That way I would be in an insane asylum and they wouldn’t have to take care of me.

I mean seriously, people can’t hear me when I’m talking on my headset at work, so I have to talk louder – I feel like I’m talking to a 1000 people in an auditorium. When in reality I’m the only person in the house and people keep talking over me!

Do people not realize how incredibly rude it is to talk over someone?! I don’t talk to hear myself talk, I don’t like talking! Especially yelling! GEEZ’ {SIGH}

I yell out loud:

“Would you guys be quiet!!!, I just want 5 minutes of quiet! Why does everyone have to keep talking, if people listened half as much as they talked they would have a clue!”

LilMan says

“What’d you say?”

In my head:


I say

“Never mind, I’ve just had a bad day; you’re fine.”

In my head:

‘they do want me to go nuts….’

And that was 5 seconds of a 30 minute car ride….

It’s no wonder when Ben comes home he heads straight to our bedroom, gets changed and stays away for 10 -15 minutes…That car ride of thinking and loudness is brutal!

So next time you see someone frowning or who looks sad or lashes out – offer a kindness, be that brightness in their day.  And for the friends and loved ones who get lashed out at- it’s not you, it’s the mountain of crap that is building up inside their heads that sometimes comes out to the ones they love the most.  Just give that loved one/friend a hug… not just a squeeze, but a real hug to support their weight for a few seconds; wait until their head goes on your shoulder….that’s when they know they are home, safe and away from the crap of the world.

God bless and my hugs to you.